Joan Chen comments about first seeing “Edward Scissorhands” in 1990:

“Looking back, after almost 20 years, I now understand better the fierce longing and intense loneliness that the film had stirred in me. Like the protagonist, Edward, I was the shy, misunderstood outsider for a large part of my life in America, and again later in China.

“Having experienced the adulation of the millions in my late teens, I became a much reviled traitor, who brought shame to China after leaving for the US and later for playing the part of the mistress to the white man in Tai-Pan.

“The capricious and precarious nature of the mob sentiments was a nightmare, which I knew well. I empathize with the conflicting desire of the artist to retreat to his lonely tower and to be loved by people who appreciate his talent.”

- Actress / Director / Producer / Writer Joan Chen

(Singapore Sun Film Festival, October 2009 – posted on imdb.com; photo: as Yee Tai Tai in Lust, Caution.)

Many other actors and artists are shy and highly sensitive, as Joan Chen seems to be, and to need time and space away from work and the emotional pressures of attention.

For more about the trait, see the Highly Sensitive site.

emotional intensity, overexcitability, excitabilities, gifted and talented, highly sensitive people

Howard says “The Hollywood scene, these parties, freak me out. I’ve never had a sip of alcohol in my life. I wasn’t interested in losing control.

“There was alcoholism in my family, so I saw the negative effects and how difficult it was to recover.

“When I was in high school, I would never go to parties because I would be embarrassed to say no. Consequently, I had almost no social group.”

She also notes: “When I work on a film, I always tend to relate to the crew. I struggle immensely with celebrities of all forms. I get clammy hands and turn a little purple.” [From Too Good to be True, by Peter Davis, Papermag.]

In creating and playing her character, she found, “I learned some interesting things about myself. Fisher is unapologetic about anything she does or says, and I am not; in fact I am apologizing all the time.

“I liked that she was almost hedonistic in her approach to life, and I connected to that side of myself that wants to be fearless.

“Also I learned that moving through the making of this film with the many obstacles, I watched Jodi [director Jodi Markell] do so with such grace, and I tried to follow her example, to handle whatever life throws at me with that sense of wonderful grace”, she says with a slight laugh, “and I hope I continue to do that going forward.” [incontention.com]

I don’t know her, and I’m not saying she is shy or a highly sensitive person, but in a number of her interviews – and her comments above – Bryce Dallas Howard talks about thoughts and emotional reactions that sound to me like shyness and high sensitivity.

And many other highly talented actors do share those qualities.

The trait of high sensitivity is experienced by 15 to 20 percent of us. In my video On Being Sensitive are quotes by and about Winona Ryder, Heath Ledger, Amy Brenneman, Scarlett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, and Ellen DeGeneres about their experience of sensitivity.

Also see my related video Shy actors: Vanessa Hudgens, Sigourney Weaver, Taye Diggs – and the Highly Sensitive site.

shy personality, introverted personality, high sensitivity personality, highly sensitive relationships

Scarlett Johansson has noted that sensitivity can have a dark side: “I think I was born with a great awareness of my surroundings and of other people. Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.”

Everyone has some sensitivity to inner experiences and emotions, to the moods of others, and to many other sensations. But highly sensitive people have unusually strong awareness and reactivity, and are more likely to be shy.

From my article Using Your High Sensitivity Personality As an Actor.

Also see more posts on the main site on High Sensitivity.

highly sensitive actors, introverted actors, shy personality, introverted personality, high sensitivity personality

“Actors and actresses, because that’s their career, can be sort of self-obsessed.”

Kristen Bell says that for her new film “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” she “just looked into the depths of the most hard-to-admit or vulnerable or bad characteristics of my own personality and what an actress can become if given that kind of self indulgence or that amount of vanity.

“That I think anybody could really become. But actors and actresses especially, because that’s their career, to be sort of self-obsessed. And there’s a lot of comedy in that.” [From darkhorizons.com interview by Paul Fischer March 27th 2008.]

“Narcissism is the part of my personality…”

When asked about narcissism and being an actor, Ben Affleck admitted, “I’d say it’s the one quality that unites everybody in the film industry, whether you’re an actor, a producer, a director, or a studio executive. You want people to look at you and love you and go, ‘Oh, you’re wonderful.’

But, he continued, “It’s a nightmare. Narcissism is the part of my personality that I am the least proud of, and I certainly don’t like to see it highlighted in everybody else I meet.” [Interview mag., Dec. 1997]

Sarah Silverman commented in an interview about discovering the writing of psychologist Alice Miller: “There’s a book called ‘Drama of the Gifted Child’ given to me by my sister, and I was thinking, This is unbelievable. It’s all about me. I related to it so much.

“And I asked a friend of mine if she’d read it, and she said that Alice Miller originally titled the book ‘Drama of the Narcissistic Child’ – but she knew that no one who needed to read it would buy it. That was really funny, and a little bit embarrassing.”

[From Making 'Magic' (And Trouble) with Sarah Silverman, NPR, Fresh Air audio interview, Oct 3, 2007; photo from "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic."]

The psychology of narcissism

But what is narcissism? The basic idea is being obsessively self-absorbed, always putting your own needs first, having poor empathy or appreciation for other people’s needs etc. But what is behind someone operating that way?

Alice Miller writes in The Drama of the Gifted Child about childhood harm leading to compromised emotional life as an adult, including those kinds of behavior.

Miller has been quoted about the word ‘gifted’ in the title: “I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way. I simply meant all of us who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt even to unspeakable cruelty by becoming numb… Without this ‘gift’ offered us by nature, we would not have survived.”

She writes in the book, “A little reflection soon shows how inconceivable it is really to love others (not merely to need them), if one cannot love oneself as one really is.

“And how could a person do that if, from the very beginning, he has had no chance to experience his true feelings and to learn to know himself? For the majority of sensitive people, the true self remains deeply and thoroughly hidden. But how can you love something you do not know, something that has never been loved?

“So it is that many a gifted person lives without any notion of his or her true self. Such people are enamored of an idealized, conforming, false self. They will shun their hidden and lost true self, unless depression makes them aware of its loss or psychosis confronts them harshly with that true self, whom they now have to face and to whom they are delivered up, helplessly, as to a threatening stranger.”

Miller says in looking at the origins of this loss of the self in the book, she chooses not to use the term “narcissism.” “However, in my clinical descriptions,” she adds, “I shall speak occasionally of a healthy narcissism and depict the ideal case of a person who is genuinely alive, with free access to the true self and his authentic feelings.

“I shall contrast this with narcissistic disorders, with the true self’s ‘solitary confinement’ within the prison of the false self. This I see less as an illness than as tragedy, and it is my aim in this book to break away from judgmental, isolating, and therefore discriminating terminology.”

[From Direct Quotes from The Drama of the Gifted Child.]

Celebrities and narcissism

In his article The narcissist, unmasked, Benedict Carey describes qualities that fit many celebrity level performers, as well as other professionals: “They’ve got the most fabulous personal trainer in town, the best lawyer, the top BMW mechanic, and make sure the world knows it.

“They’re charming enough to attract friends, associates and lovers — only to drop them as soon as better prospects show up. They need the best table in the house, the lion’s share of the conversation and, above all, top billing, whether on the marquee or in the mailroom.

“While familiar at almost any level of society, these peacocks find Southern California an especially comfortable habitat. In the warm bath of sunlight and celebrity, their behavior can be entertaining, even encouraged, and it’s usually relatively harmless.

“Yet some of these seemingly overconfident people are actually in considerable psychological trouble, suffering what psychiatrists call narcissistic personality disorder, one of the most self-destructive and difficult-to-treat conditions in the lexicon of mental illness.

“For contrary to Narcissus of Greek legend, who was enthralled by his own reflection in a pool of water, researchers say that roughly 1 million Americans with this personality disorder act not from self-love but from a kind of self-loathing, a dread of failure and an inability to endure its emotional fallout — shame.

“Millions more are thought to suffer from narcissistic tendencies, due to similar but less extreme fears. Recent research suggests that this anguish develops in early childhood, and that therapists can help put it to rest.” [Los Angeles Times, Oct 14 2002]

Does fame and power fuel narcissism?

Another perspective is offered by writer Stephen Sherrill in his New York Times article Acquired Situational Narcissism.

“We all know that movie stars, professional athletes, rich people and politicians often act like complete jackasses,” he writes, “but Robert B. Millman, professor of psychiatry at Cornell Medical School and the medical adviser to Major League Baseball, thinks he knows why. The cause, he says, is acquired situational narcissism, a psychological dysfunction that Millman was the first to identify and that he treats in his celebrity patients.”

Sherrill explains, “People who aspire to stardom tend to be more narcissistic than others, but they don’t develop a true narcissistic personality disorder until they begin to achieve success: the first platinum album, the first appearance in Vanity Fair’s ‘Young Hollywood’ issue, the first public fling with Winona Ryder.”

Not necessarily craziness

Having these sort of narcissistic tendencies doesn’t mean you are “crazy” or necessarily need therapy.

But it can be helpful to our emotional growth and power as creative people to be more aware of how we operate, and change what doesn’t serve us well.

Richard Gere once commented, “The more I grow, the less I become this egocentric thing that is prone to anger and hatred and all this other stuff. The trick is to get out of the way of the ego, so that whatever is of value illuminating inside you or me or the waiter or anybody else can be seen. The job of the creative person is to get out of the way.” [LA Times, 1/5/03]

Ego self-esteem

Spiritual writer Eckhart Tolle [Meg Ryan made Oprah aware of his book The Power of Now] distinguishes two kinds of self esteem. “First there is the ego self-esteem,” he says.

“Even if you have high ego self-esteem, there’s always hidden fear underneath it. It’s always there to compensate for the fear you feel of not being good enough or perhaps failing. So you need to play a role of being big to compensate for fear of failure that’s deep down.

“But the world would say he or she has high self-esteem. People who have big egos. But the world doesn’t realize that that’s not true self-esteem.”

True self-esteem, he explains, “goes much deeper. It’s finding the source of power and aliveness deep inside.”

From article Eckhart Tolle on Shyness, Self-esteem and Ego.

Actor Vera Farmiga cautions, “This business [entertainment] is tough, it is so tough. But my first and foremost thing is like, ego always gets in the way. You gotta keep that in check – you got to.”

~ ~ ~

Alice Miller’s site

Books by Alice Miller:
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
The Untouched Key: Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness

Another book: Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.  Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Re-Visited

Related article: Ego and Creativity

Related pages:
Ego / narcissism
Ego / narcissism 2 : quotes articles books

actors and narcissism, entertainment psychology, search for your true self, overcoming narcissism, narcissism books

“It’s important to present oneself as relaxed and confident..”

Gabriel Byrne commented that the audition process “is really a most inadequate way to determine if an actor is right or not for a particular role. Unfortunately, it’s a situation that most actors have to accept.

“Work on developing an unshakable trust in yourself and your talent. It’s important to present oneself as relaxed and confident even when you don’t feel it.”

From the book: How to Get the Part… Without Falling Apart! by Margie Haber

Quote from the page Acting3
More Books: acting
Photo from “In Treatment.”

Too much of a good thing

In her LAcasting.com article Relax into acting, Colleen Wainwright notes, “It’s great to have a little fire in your belly. But if you’re reading this, my guess is that your problem, if you have one, lies in the other direction. Because too much ambition, ferocity, gung-ho-ness is death to good acting, bad for the health, and not particularly attractive in an audition situation either.”

She adds, “We’ve all seen it: that high-strung actor who’s so intent on saying his next line, he’s barely listening for his cue. Or maybe (ahem) you’ve actually been that person on stage, having a scene go by you in a blur, kicking yourself for letting the scene play you instead of the other way around.

“For the speed-meisters, the simplest, easiest ‘hack’ to help you regain control of yourself in the moment is literally to stop yourself ever so briefly before responding in a scene. Take a beat and take in your partner, or, if it’s a monologue, the situation; let yourself check in with how you’re feeling and how your partner is feeling before moving on.

See her article for more suggestions.

Intensity vs anxiety

It isn’t that high energy is “wrong” – it is sometimes called intensity or excitability. Giftedness consultant Lesley Sword describes this in her article Overexcitabilities in Gifted Children as “an abundance of physical, sensual, creative, intellectual and emotional energy that can result in creative endeavours as well as advanced emotional and ethical development in adulthood. Overexcitabilities feed, enrich, empower and amplify talent.”

But there seems to be an enduring mythology about creative inspiration and performing as an actor, for example, that it benefits from an “edge” of nervous tension or even anxiety.

Creativity coach and author Eric Maisel, PhD comments in our interview Ten Zen Seconds (about his new book) that this really is a false and distorting idea: “It isn’t at all clear that tension or anxiety is what’s needed for peak performance and lifelong creativity,” he says.

“They may be unavoidable by-products of the difficulties that we face as we try to do large things and connected to our fear of failing, fear of making messes and mistakes, and so on, but they are not beneficial per se.

Passion without anxiety

“You want enthusiasm, passion, love, curiosity, interest, and so on to inform your work and to exist right in the moment, in the performance moment or the creative moment, while at the same reducing (or eliminating) your fears, worries, anxieties, and so on.

“Creating is not an energy-neutral state: it is a high energy state, with, at its healthiest, enthusiasm and not anxiety driving its engine.”

From my post To create we need high energy – not anxiety.

~~~

Also see Overcoming Stage Fright and other Anxiety Relief Solutions, and Self-esteem Products / Programs.
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acting book, performance anxiety book, High sensitivity resources, entertainment psychology

“An actor’s scar tissue really never covers over things the same way, not if you’re going to be sensitive. With good technique, an actor can do that and walk through life without going insane.”

~~

“You have to get away from the theater or from the set and live life. If you work constantly from job to job, you’re living in a fantasy world and you have nothing else to offer than fantasy.”

[imdb.com; photo from 'Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day']

Related pages:
Highly Sensitive
Nurturing mental health : acting
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nt psychology, creativity and madness, high sensitivity personality

Comfortable being alone

In an interview about “Tristan and Isolde,” James Franco commented about how acting relates to being someone who is more comfortable being alone.

Question: You talked about being a loner when you were at school. How hard is it going from being a loner to putting that aside an being an actor cause it seems that acting is not a profession for someone who likes to be alone I mean there is so much of yourself that you have to give.

James Franco: Yeah well I think there are a lot of examples of people like that. I think it was Duval who said he wasn’t use to talking to a lot of people but you know became an actor anyway and De Niro seemed very much the same way.

For me it was…by acting and inhabiting a different part and pretending to be in a different world there is something about it that frees up whatever isn’t free in the real world. So it is not such a contradiction really.

Question: Is it why you became an actor?

James Franco: I guess so. When I first did it, it was kind of a relief it was a voice that I didn’t have before and then you know I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be an actor or a painter or a writer or something else…

[From darkhorizons.com interview by Paul Fischer, January 10 2006.]

A multitalented freak

In another interview, speaking of his role in the television series ‘Freaks and Geeks,’ Franco said it echoed his own high school experience. “I was a little freak, a little geek. High school was a big party the first couple of years, but that gets old, so I broke away and just was a loner. I did a lot of painting, and I was a member of a local art league.” [cyberteens.com interview]

Being a loner – or shy / introverted, ‘not good at small talk’ etc – is something many actors share, including Mischa Barton, Kristin Kreuk, Kim Basinger, Taye Diggs, Nicole Kidman, Sigourney Weaver and others. See the pages on Introversion / shyness.

For many people, this may be based on being highly sensitive, which can help fuel excellence as an actor or other artist.
~~

James Franco, high sensitivity personality, personal development acting, acting self esteem

“Celebrity hits like a bomb. So you have to find what makes you stable in the storm.”

Jimmy Smits adds, “Then, no matter what’s happening around you, no matter what the hype or the publicity, you can still manage to make leaps in your work as an artist.” [imdb.com]

In my article The Dark Side of Fame, I note that many talented actors have an ambivalent attitude about gaining or pursuing celebrity status, or just high visibility with the public, and with the decision makers such as film studios which can help their careers grow.

Winona Ryder commented about being relatively out of the spotlight the past couple of years, “Hollywood people associate movies solely with fame and I didn’t enjoy working in that way anymore. I am so much happier now.”

And there are a number of ways fame can make people emotionally unstable.

For example, psychiatrist Robert B. Millman developed the concept of acquired situational narcissism to explain some of the grandiose fantasies and other distortions people can be prey to after gaining high levels of fame.

One of the problems is being surrounded by people assuring the famed one that they are worthy of it. But as Millman noted in a NY Times article, the famous really are different: ”They’re not normal. And why would they feel normal when every person in the world who deals with them treats them as if they’re not?”

Fame can also assault sensitive people. Johnny Depp said he felt so intimidated by his celebrity status during his early career that he “had to be drunk to be able to speak and get through it. I guess I was trying not to feel anything.”

But it can also be strengthening, as Kim Basinger noted: “Because I’m such a shy person, having to live it out loud in front of everyone has made me a stronger woman, so much stronger, that it’s been a gift to me in a way.”
~~

celebrity and personal growth, film industry unreality, living with fame, personal development acting

Escape into comedy

Amanda Bynes began professionally acting at the age of seven, and at age thirteen became the star of her own tv series The Amanda Show.

Bynes says she understands the feeling of being an outsider, one of the themes of the film “Hairspray” – in which she plays Penny [photo].

“I grew up having terrible acne and feeling insecure,” she once told an interviewer. “I was tall and skinny. I didn’t feel pretty at all, and guys didn’t even like me. That’s why I got into comedy.”

[Interview mag., July 2007; photo from "Hairspray"]

Highly self-critical

Many talented comedians and comic actors acknowledge there is a dark side to being funny.

“Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don’t realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side.” Parker Posey [From the page: Comedy]

Many talented people – even highly gifted and accomplished, with Academy Awards etc – often have insecurities, impostor feelings and other anxieties, maybe in part because of high sensitivity.

Lesley Sword, director of Gifted and Creative Services [in Australia] finds that gifted children are “highly self critical and over reactive to the criticism of others. They express dissatisfaction with themselves; they see what ‘ought to be’ in themselves… They have a vision of perfectionism that they measure themselves against and they can become despondent sometimes even depressed, at their perceived failure.”

[From my post Anxious thinking about our abilities, and article Being Creative and Self-critical.]

Fortunately, there are many ways to deal with anxiety, including self-help programs: see
Anxiety Relief Products / Programs

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Amanda Bynes, imposter phenomenon, comedians and depression, anxiety relief products

“I did other things for money; you know, the normal, boring stuff – I temped, I did waitressing.

“But I actually quit a play early on in my career – it was one of the first things that I ever got cast in, but I quit because there was something about it that I didn’t like.

“I didn’t think the director was the right guy to be directing it. So I’ve never felt that every situation was great for me and therefore I would have to stay.

“To me, being creative is a very fragile thing, the environment in which one can create is a very particular one, and somehow I’ve always felt the need to be very protective of that….”

She thinks you need to acknowledge the fickle nature of the profession: “Actors are beggars and gypsies, that’s just the way it is. And in many ways, I take what I can get. But I do search high and low for stuff that interests me.” [quotes from imdb.com]
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Holly Hunter, integrity in art, developing creativity, high sensitivity personality