Acting in the final two “Potter” movies, and thinking about choosing college (maybe Columbia University), Emma Watson recently talked about criticism of her work as Hermione, and modulating her perfectionism.

“I will look back on this part of my life and I know it will be special, but it used to be that if I ever had a bad review or someone said, ‘Oh, she is too this,’ or ‘She’s too that,’ I got upset about it.

“Now what I have worked out is that it would actually be physically impossible to be perfect for everyone. Everyone has a distinct idea in their head of what each character is like.

“So I’ve kind of had to lower my standards. I can’t be perfect for everyone. J.K. ['Potter' author J.K. Rowling] thinks I’m perfect, and that’s good enough for me.”

[From Hero Complex blog post 'Harry Potter' countdown: Emma Watson still 'quite intimidated' by pal J.K. Rowling, by Geoff Boucher, LA Times, Jul 2 2009.]

Perfectionists and ‘greatists’

Director Jane Campion said about working with Nicole Kidman: “She can be quite murderously challenging in her perfectionism. Take Twenty: ‘Are you sure that’s good enough?’ We’re going, [wearily] ‘Yeah.’ ”

A number of talented and accomplished actors and other creative people are energized – or burdened – by this drive. Jennifer Connelly has admitted, “I am an obsessive-compulsive and a perfectionist. I don’t say it with pride.” And Bridget Fonda has said, “I’m afraid of making a mistake. I’m pretty neurotic about it.”

It’s also a matter of how you think of it. Director James Cameron refutes being labeled as a perfectionist: “No, I’m a greatist. I only want to do it until it’s great.”

The burden of being perfect

But a drive to be perfect can be an obsessive emotional force that helps fuel insecurity and dissatisfaction with your work, and undermines healthy self esteem. It can be part of why you “can’t stand” to watch your dailies or films – like Joaquin Phoenix and others. But that can keep you from learning more about and refining your performance.

Q’Orianka Kilcher [Pocahontas in "The New World"] says she has been a perfectionist “since she was little” but learned from Colin Farrell to let go of it: “He taught me acting wasn’t about being perfect. An actor should never take themselves too seriously. It took a burden off my shoulders.”

Emmy Rossum

Emmy Rossum [photo from "The Phantom of the Opera"] says that for her, being prepared for a role is crucial: “It’s not about control but perfectionism – my biggest vice and one of my biggest assets.”

Michelle Pfeiffer

That is a perspective shared by Michelle Pfeiffer: “I’m a perfectionist, so I can drive myself mad – and other people, too. At the same time, I think that’s one of the reasons I’m successful. Because I really care about what I do. I really want it to be right, and I want it to be good, and I don’t quit until I have to.”

Excellence is the prize

Linda Kreger Silverman, PhD, Director of the Gifted Development Center, says “Excellence is the hard-won prize of those whose zeal and dedication are fueled by the drive to attain perfection, as they envision it.”

But it’s a matter of balance, of using this need to “make it great” to refine yourself and your work, without being overwhelmed by it.

> Related pages:
Perfectionism
Perfectionism – articles books
article: Perfectionism – by Douglas Eby
~~

actors and perfectionism, dealing with perfectionism, overcoming perfectionism, demanding the best from yourself, striving for excellence

Many creative people report feeling incompetent, inadequate and having low self esteem at times. But there are ways to shift those feelings.

A number of film actors report they don’t watch their own movies. When you can be seen in close-ups on twenty foot high theater screens, it may be especially hard not to criticize your appearance and performance.

Joaquin Phoenix has said he doesn’t like how his teeth look, or his lips.

Kate Winslet has admitted that before going off to a movie shoot, she sometimes thinks, “I’m a fraud, and they’re going to fire me… I’m fat; I’m ugly; I look like a whore! [laughs] [Interview mag., Nov, 2000]

[From my article Being Creative and Self-critical.]

Bill Nighy has commented, “You come to realise there is this huge disparity between what you think about yourself and your work and what other people think about you and your work, at first you either think they’re insane or that it’s a conspiracy to make you look stupid. Or maybe, just maybe, they’re right, and you’re sometimes quite good at what you do.”

Even someone as accomplished as Meryl Streep admits she has “varying degrees of confidence and self-loathing…. You can have a perfectly horrible day where you doubt your talent. It could be about not feeling able to achieve a certain scene or about an emotion you feel you weren’t able to get to… Or that you’re boring and they’re going to find out that you don’t know what you’re doing… any one of those things.”

[From the page Self-esteem / Self concept - which has a number of other quotes by actors.]

So what can you do about low self-esteem or self-confidence as an actor?

Developing yourself as a person and an actor, taking classes, getting into commercials or community theater or any performance work can help feelings of low self-esteem.

And there are specific products and programs that can help.

The Self-Esteem Supercharger, a CD program from Learning Strategies can help enhance confidence.

According to the site, “Many professional and recreational athletes have found listening to the Self-Esteem Supercharger before a game or match improves their performance.”

Professional soccer player Michael Cestone says, “I had tried subliminal tapes with limited results, so I had to try the Paraliminals because they were different. I was desperately looking for something to help me prepare for the season. I noticed results immediately.

“The first time I used the tape I felt more focused and was able to read the game better, as well as make faster decisions. That was only the beginning.”

Learn more about The Self-Esteem Supercharger in the section:
Self concept / self esteem Products and Programs.
~~

self-esteem cd, actors and self esteem, self esteem builders, entertainment psychology

A multitalented woman

Venice magazine: You began writing poetry when you were nine.. Do you feel like it has become somewhat of a second form of expression for you?

Amber Tamblyn : Definitely! I did a lot of writing with my father (actor/choreographer Russ Tamblyn) who always encouraged my budding imagination.

I think all true artists should be inspired on multiple levels. I wouldn’t consider myself an actress. I have a hard time even being called one because it puts you in a box, on a shelf where everybody else is picked from. ///

Venice mag.: It is intriguing and encouraging to see someone from your generation.. be involved in politics as you are.

Amber Tamblyn : I am fascinated by the original intent of what communism represented to people. Unfortunately, it got all jumbled up. But there are times when I also feel like talking about politics is not my place. I don’t know as much as people of the time.

People listen

I think that a lot of actors get involved with politics because they have this self-esteem problem where they feel the need to prove that they are more intelligent and more intellectual than what their job requirement shows them to be.

Some actors have this guilt that what they do is not deep enough, so they look elsewhere for some kind of approval…. It is really sad though because being a true actor is to already have that depth.

Actors were the court jesters for all these boring big kings sitting in their castles all over the world, and that was a great position to be in; that’s where you can create comedy and laughter and open minds and touch the heart.

Being the escape that people go to is one of the greatest things that the universe has to offer because then people do listen to what you have to say, and that’s when you can bring change.

> From article Amber Tamblyn: Poetry in Motion – by Aysegul Sert, Venice magazine venicemag.com October 2005.
~~

Amber Tamblyn, entertainment psychology, developing creativity, actors in politics

She sang as Fantine in “Les Miserables” at the Hollywood Bowl earlier this month; made her feature film directorial debut in 2007 with the movie “You,” and has produced two albums of her writing and singing.

She says of her multiple talents: “I’m always very very keen to keep my eyes and heart and ears open to opportunities to be creative. That’s really my reason for being on this Earth.”

Listen to our podcast interview at Inner Talent Interviews.
~~

Melora Hardin, multiple talents

Maggie Gyllenhaal: We shot Sherrybaby in 25 days. I was never in my own clothes. I would get into her clothes, be her all day, come home, fall asleep, wake up, go back to work. I do better in that kind of work. What I found with Sherry was that she was in such a rough place that she didn’t have the luxury to feel any kind of self-pity or to fall apart at all, or she would not have been able to survive.

So I shot all these fucked-up scenes that were really horrible, but I didn’t experience them that way. Obviously, I understood that all the things that happened in the movie were painful for her, but I didn’t let that into the work.

Then all the terrible things I’ve had to go through surfaced after we’d finished shooting. And I got over it. I don’t think I could play that part now. I don’t know that I could be okay with the things I had to be okay with in order to play her.

Interview mag.: Were you in therapy when you did that film?

Maggie Gyllenhaal: Mm-hmm.

Interview mag.: So was it exorcism? Catharsis?

Maggie Gyllenhaal: Well, that stuff is private, but every role I choose – whether consciously or unconsciously – there’s something in it that I have to think about and work through. . .

For a while, I got into taking someone really fucked-up and showing the audience how they were beautiful and lovable. That’s a way of practicing compassion. But now I want to play a queen! I want to play someone who’s thinking and elegant and not so wayward. I feel like a big change has happened.

Interview mag.: Here’s another observation from your press clippings: “Gyllenhaal clearly relishes taking a wrecking ball to anything perfect or beautiful in her own cinematic creations.” But I always suspected that you were happy to be beautiful in real life.

Maggie Gyllenhaal: That is not wrong about my work. It was also true in my life. What I thought was most beautiful was something a little fucked up, a little off. I think that’s a way of hiding.

As an actress and a person. I feel different now. I’m not as interested in finding what is unattractive as I am in finding what is attractive. It’s much riskier to say, “I’m going to try and express what’s beautiful in me.”

[From interview by Tim Blanks, Interview magazine, May 2008.]

A number of other actors have also expressed perspectives on the mental health aspects of acting on the page Nurturing mental health: acting.
~~

Maggie Gyllenhaal, entertainment psychology, personal development acting, creative risks

“Actors and actresses, because that’s their career, can be sort of self-obsessed.”

Kristen Bell says that for her new film “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” she “just looked into the depths of the most hard-to-admit or vulnerable or bad characteristics of my own personality and what an actress can become if given that kind of self indulgence or that amount of vanity.

“That I think anybody could really become. But actors and actresses especially, because that’s their career, to be sort of self-obsessed. And there’s a lot of comedy in that.” [From darkhorizons.com interview by Paul Fischer March 27th 2008.]

“Narcissism is the part of my personality…”

When asked about narcissism and being an actor, Ben Affleck admitted, “I’d say it’s the one quality that unites everybody in the film industry, whether you’re an actor, a producer, a director, or a studio executive. You want people to look at you and love you and go, ‘Oh, you’re wonderful.’

But, he continued, “It’s a nightmare. Narcissism is the part of my personality that I am the least proud of, and I certainly don’t like to see it highlighted in everybody else I meet.” [Interview mag., Dec. 1997]

Sarah Silverman commented in an interview about discovering the writing of psychologist Alice Miller: “There’s a book called ‘Drama of the Gifted Child’ given to me by my sister, and I was thinking, This is unbelievable. It’s all about me. I related to it so much.

“And I asked a friend of mine if she’d read it, and she said that Alice Miller originally titled the book ‘Drama of the Narcissistic Child’ – but she knew that no one who needed to read it would buy it. That was really funny, and a little bit embarrassing.”

[From Making 'Magic' (And Trouble) with Sarah Silverman, NPR, Fresh Air audio interview, Oct 3, 2007; photo from "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic."]

The psychology of narcissism

But what is narcissism? The basic idea is being obsessively self-absorbed, always putting your own needs first, having poor empathy or appreciation for other people’s needs etc. But what is behind someone operating that way?

Alice Miller writes in The Drama of the Gifted Child about childhood harm leading to compromised emotional life as an adult, including those kinds of behavior.

Miller has been quoted about the word ‘gifted’ in the title: “I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way. I simply meant all of us who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt even to unspeakable cruelty by becoming numb… Without this ‘gift’ offered us by nature, we would not have survived.”

She writes in the book, “A little reflection soon shows how inconceivable it is really to love others (not merely to need them), if one cannot love oneself as one really is.

“And how could a person do that if, from the very beginning, he has had no chance to experience his true feelings and to learn to know himself? For the majority of sensitive people, the true self remains deeply and thoroughly hidden. But how can you love something you do not know, something that has never been loved?

“So it is that many a gifted person lives without any notion of his or her true self. Such people are enamored of an idealized, conforming, false self. They will shun their hidden and lost true self, unless depression makes them aware of its loss or psychosis confronts them harshly with that true self, whom they now have to face and to whom they are delivered up, helplessly, as to a threatening stranger.”

Miller says in looking at the origins of this loss of the self in the book, she chooses not to use the term “narcissism.” “However, in my clinical descriptions,” she adds, “I shall speak occasionally of a healthy narcissism and depict the ideal case of a person who is genuinely alive, with free access to the true self and his authentic feelings.

“I shall contrast this with narcissistic disorders, with the true self’s ’solitary confinement’ within the prison of the false self. This I see less as an illness than as tragedy, and it is my aim in this book to break away from judgmental, isolating, and therefore discriminating terminology.”

[From Direct Quotes from The Drama of the Gifted Child.]

Celebrities and narcissism

In his article The narcissist, unmasked, Benedict Carey describes qualities that fit many celebrity level performers, as well as other professionals: “They’ve got the most fabulous personal trainer in town, the best lawyer, the top BMW mechanic, and make sure the world knows it.

“They’re charming enough to attract friends, associates and lovers — only to drop them as soon as better prospects show up. They need the best table in the house, the lion’s share of the conversation and, above all, top billing, whether on the marquee or in the mailroom.

“While familiar at almost any level of society, these peacocks find Southern California an especially comfortable habitat. In the warm bath of sunlight and celebrity, their behavior can be entertaining, even encouraged, and it’s usually relatively harmless.

“Yet some of these seemingly overconfident people are actually in considerable psychological trouble, suffering what psychiatrists call narcissistic personality disorder, one of the most self-destructive and difficult-to-treat conditions in the lexicon of mental illness.

“For contrary to Narcissus of Greek legend, who was enthralled by his own reflection in a pool of water, researchers say that roughly 1 million Americans with this personality disorder act not from self-love but from a kind of self-loathing, a dread of failure and an inability to endure its emotional fallout — shame.

“Millions more are thought to suffer from narcissistic tendencies, due to similar but less extreme fears. Recent research suggests that this anguish develops in early childhood, and that therapists can help put it to rest.” [Los Angeles Times, Oct 14 2002]

Does fame and power fuel narcissism?

Another perspective is offered by writer Stephen Sherrill in his New York Times article Acquired Situational Narcissism.

“We all know that movie stars, professional athletes, rich people and politicians often act like complete jackasses,” he writes, “but Robert B. Millman, professor of psychiatry at Cornell Medical School and the medical adviser to Major League Baseball, thinks he knows why. The cause, he says, is acquired situational narcissism, a psychological dysfunction that Millman was the first to identify and that he treats in his celebrity patients.”

Sherrill explains, “People who aspire to stardom tend to be more narcissistic than others, but they don’t develop a true narcissistic personality disorder until they begin to achieve success: the first platinum album, the first appearance in Vanity Fair’s ‘Young Hollywood’ issue, the first public fling with Winona Ryder.”

Not necessarily craziness

Having these sort of narcissistic tendencies doesn’t mean you are “crazy” or necessarily need therapy.

But it can be helpful to our emotional growth and power as creative people to be more aware of how we operate, and change what doesn’t serve us well.

Richard Gere once commented, “The more I grow, the less I become this egocentric thing that is prone to anger and hatred and all this other stuff. The trick is to get out of the way of the ego, so that whatever is of value illuminating inside you or me or the waiter or anybody else can be seen. The job of the creative person is to get out of the way.” [LA Times, 1/5/03]

Ego self-esteem

Spiritual writer Eckhart Tolle [Meg Ryan made Oprah aware of his book The Power of Now] distinguishes two kinds of self esteem. “First there is the ego self-esteem,” he says.

“Even if you have high ego self-esteem, there’s always hidden fear underneath it. It’s always there to compensate for the fear you feel of not being good enough or perhaps failing. So you need to play a role of being big to compensate for fear of failure that’s deep down.

“But the world would say he or she has high self-esteem. People who have big egos. But the world doesn’t realize that that’s not true self-esteem.”

True self-esteem, he explains, “goes much deeper. It’s finding the source of power and aliveness deep inside.”

From article Eckhart Tolle on Shyness, Self-esteem and Ego.

Actor Vera Farmiga cautions, “This business [entertainment] is tough, it is so tough. But my first and foremost thing is like, ego always gets in the way. You gotta keep that in check – you got to.”

~ ~ ~

Alice Miller’s site

Books by Alice Miller:
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
The Untouched Key: Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness

Another book: Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.  Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Re-Visited

Related article: Ego and Creativity

Related pages:
Ego / narcissism
Ego / narcissism 2 : quotes articles books

actors and narcissism, entertainment psychology, search for your true self, overcoming narcissism, narcissism books

In an interview, she was asked if she has any advice for actors who “would love to have a career even half as fruitful as her own.”

She replied, “How about the fact that the reasons you don’t work are quite possibly the reasons you will work? The fact that I’m not like everybody else is hopefully what got me here. I think the danger is trying to figure out what everybody else wants you to be.

“Even when you’re at an audition, the kiss of death is the second you try to do what you think they want you to do. Just keep being authentic to yourself.”

[From Playing Doctor, by Jenelle Riley, BackStage.]

Related Talent Development Resources pages:
Eccentricity, Identity and Self Concept.
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brooke smith, building identity, eccentrics, being authentic

This has always been my life. You don’t romanticize it when you’ve seen the underbelly of it, when you’ve seen rejection, the games, the way self-esteem is challenged and threatened. It’s an industry that’s predicated on knocking people down. Only the strong survive.

Life magazine: What’s kept you working for so long?

Brooke Shields: My concept of a work ethic is so ingrained in who I am. It may have started out as the way to be liked, but now it’s become my standard. Now whether someone likes me or not doesn’t factor into it. Now it’s much more selfish. I get involved in any movie or show I watch.

I live in the world of whatever I’m working on. Part of me is a gypsy that way. And because I have my real life—and it’s not going anywhere—it allows me to go off into my fantasy mind, because I know I have a home to come back to. [Source: Life magazine.]

Brooke Shields also once said about being a public person her whole life that she “assumed it wasn’t taking a toll on me because in return I got positive things, validation or affection or compliments or whatever. Little by little I gave away a lot. And at my age now, I’m done giving it all away. Because it isn’t directly proportionate to anything, except sometimes a sense of emptiness.”

And this is an item from The Week magazine, March 14, 2008:

Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet was caught off-guard by superstardom, says Nelly Kaprielian in Vogue Australia. After her film Titanic became a megahit in 1997, Winslet was transformed from well-regarded film actress into global celebrity. “I couldn’t grasp why that was happening to me. I was so young—I was only 21 years old—and I didn’t feel ready to become hugely famous.”

Her private life was dissected, especially in her native England, where some confused her with her character in Titanic. “The English press had decided that I was their ‘Rose,’ that I was grounded, that I had married a normal guy and was leading a normal life.”

So when she split from her husband, director Jim Threapleton, opinion turned against her; some articles claimed, incorrectly, that she had abandoned her baby daughter to Threapleton’s care. “They decided I was the culprit since I was the famous one. Sorry, but no one knows what really happened at that time in my life.”

Her solution was to take roles in some smaller films, such as Hideous Kinky, which took her out of the limelight and allowed her to better pace her career and life. “I loved acting and I didn’t want that desire to be ruined by the huge pressure that stardom was putting on me.” She got remarried, to director Sam Mendes, and had another baby, but the tabloids now mostly leave her alone. “To be honest, I think they finally started to get bored with me.”

Related pages:
Fame and celebrity
Identity
Self-esteem / self concept
article: The Dark Side of Fame.
~~

brooke shields, kate winslet, acting self esteem, celebrity and personal growth

A recent LA Times article notes that he “expresses a certain discomfort with the flash of the paparazzi bulbs and red carpet.”

“I feel like I’ve slipped into a moral quagmire,” Howard says with his characteristic blunt honesty. “I’m being pulled into some shadowy places, discovering some very dark things in my nature on this road. I’d do anything I could to sprout wings and rise above.. just go back to being a contractor, laying some stones somewhere — the time before Terrence Howard ever existed. I feel like I’m strangling the real Terrence on a daily basis.”

At one point, he notes that he takes on roles “to discover more truths about myself.”

Continued in article Terrence Howard is ready for a new fight, by Patrick Pacheco.
~~

Terrence Howard, compromising yourself, celebrity and personal growth, acting self esteem

Comfortable being alone

In an interview about “Tristan and Isolde,” James Franco commented about how acting relates to being someone who is more comfortable being alone.

Question: You talked about being a loner when you were at school. How hard is it going from being a loner to putting that aside an being an actor cause it seems that acting is not a profession for someone who likes to be alone I mean there is so much of yourself that you have to give.

James Franco: Yeah well I think there are a lot of examples of people like that. I think it was Duval who said he wasn’t use to talking to a lot of people but you know became an actor anyway and De Niro seemed very much the same way.

For me it was…by acting and inhabiting a different part and pretending to be in a different world there is something about it that frees up whatever isn’t free in the real world. So it is not such a contradiction really.

Question: Is it why you became an actor?

James Franco: I guess so. When I first did it, it was kind of a relief it was a voice that I didn’t have before and then you know I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be an actor or a painter or a writer or something else…

[From darkhorizons.com interview by Paul Fischer, January 10 2006.]

A multitalented freak

In another interview, speaking of his role in the television series ‘Freaks and Geeks,’ Franco said it echoed his own high school experience. “I was a little freak, a little geek. High school was a big party the first couple of years, but that gets old, so I broke away and just was a loner. I did a lot of painting, and I was a member of a local art league.” [cyberteens.com interview]

Being a loner – or shy / introverted, ‘not good at small talk’ etc – is something many actors share, including Mischa Barton, Kristin Kreuk, Kim Basinger, Taye Diggs, Nicole Kidman, Sigourney Weaver and others. See the pages on Introversion / shyness.

For many people, this may be based on being highly sensitive, which can help fuel excellence as an actor or other artist.
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James Franco, high sensitivity personality, personal development acting, acting self esteem