Joan Chen comments about first seeing “Edward Scissorhands” in 1990:

“Looking back, after almost 20 years, I now understand better the fierce longing and intense loneliness that the film had stirred in me. Like the protagonist, Edward, I was the shy, misunderstood outsider for a large part of my life in America, and again later in China.

“Having experienced the adulation of the millions in my late teens, I became a much reviled traitor, who brought shame to China after leaving for the US and later for playing the part of the mistress to the white man in Tai-Pan.

“The capricious and precarious nature of the mob sentiments was a nightmare, which I knew well. I empathize with the conflicting desire of the artist to retreat to his lonely tower and to be loved by people who appreciate his talent.”

- Actress / Director / Producer / Writer Joan Chen

(Singapore Sun Film Festival, October 2009 – posted on imdb.com; photo: as Yee Tai Tai in Lust, Caution.)

Many other actors and artists are shy and highly sensitive, as Joan Chen seems to be, and to need time and space away from work and the emotional pressures of attention.

For more about the trait, see the Highly Sensitive site.

emotional intensity, overexcitability, excitabilities, gifted and talented, highly sensitive people

Howard says “The Hollywood scene, these parties, freak me out. I’ve never had a sip of alcohol in my life. I wasn’t interested in losing control.

“There was alcoholism in my family, so I saw the negative effects and how difficult it was to recover.

“When I was in high school, I would never go to parties because I would be embarrassed to say no. Consequently, I had almost no social group.”

She also notes: “When I work on a film, I always tend to relate to the crew. I struggle immensely with celebrities of all forms. I get clammy hands and turn a little purple.” [From Too Good to be True, by Peter Davis, Papermag.]

In creating and playing her character, she found, “I learned some interesting things about myself. Fisher is unapologetic about anything she does or says, and I am not; in fact I am apologizing all the time.

“I liked that she was almost hedonistic in her approach to life, and I connected to that side of myself that wants to be fearless.

“Also I learned that moving through the making of this film with the many obstacles, I watched Jodi [director Jodi Markell] do so with such grace, and I tried to follow her example, to handle whatever life throws at me with that sense of wonderful grace”, she says with a slight laugh, “and I hope I continue to do that going forward.” [incontention.com]

I don’t know her, and I’m not saying she is shy or a highly sensitive person, but in a number of her interviews – and her comments above – Bryce Dallas Howard talks about thoughts and emotional reactions that sound to me like shyness and high sensitivity.

And many other highly talented actors do share those qualities.

The trait of high sensitivity is experienced by 15 to 20 percent of us. In my video On Being Sensitive are quotes by and about Winona Ryder, Heath Ledger, Amy Brenneman, Scarlett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, and Ellen DeGeneres about their experience of sensitivity.

Also see my related video Shy actors: Vanessa Hudgens, Sigourney Weaver, Taye Diggs – and the Highly Sensitive site.

shy personality, introverted personality, high sensitivity personality, highly sensitive relationships

Scarlett Johansson has noted that sensitivity can have a dark side: “I think I was born with a great awareness of my surroundings and of other people. Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.”

Everyone has some sensitivity to inner experiences and emotions, to the moods of others, and to many other sensations. But highly sensitive people have unusually strong awareness and reactivity, and are more likely to be shy.

From my article Using Your High Sensitivity Personality As an Actor.

Also see more posts on the main site on High Sensitivity.

highly sensitive actors, introverted actors, shy personality, introverted personality, high sensitivity personality

Here are some quotes from the article: Ian McKellen reflects on ‘The Prisoner,’ Gandalf and gay rights, By Matea Gold, The Los Angeles Times.

In his view, Hollywood still hasn’t come that far in its attitude toward gays.

“The conventional wisdom is that if you are gay, you cannot play the romantic straight lead in a movie,” he said.

“They’d rather have ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ The proposition from Mephistopheles as you sign the agreement that you will become a Hollywood star is that you will lie about yourself. That’s selling your soul. This business may involve disguise, but it’s about telling the truth. And I don’t think a closeted actor in this day and age can act as well as an actor who is out.”

Shy but confident – Despite his strong sentiments, McKellen insists that he’s “a very shy person.”

Coming out gave him more confidence, but “it is not easy being something that society for generations has taught everybody is beyond the pale.” To this day, he sometimes ducks questions from cabbies about whether he is married, exhausted by the notion of explaining himself to a stranger.

“There are still times in my life where I pull back from being totally honest,” he said quietly, “and I can’t imagine a single straight person who would understand that.”

Once frustrated that Hollywood wasn’t throwing more big film roles his way, McKellen now appears to be content with what he has achieved. He can’t imagine formally retiring — “Going to live in the country? No.” — but is no longer yearning for parts that have yet to come his way.

“If I didn’t actually act again, I don’t think I would be any less happy, because I would always assume I was going to work. But let’s say I lost a leg and couldn’t work. Well, there’s an awful lot I would enjoy doing. I might get down to some reading.”

Photo: McKellen as ‘Two’ in The Prisoner [AMC series].

Related pages with quotes etc:
Identity
Self concept / self esteem articles
Sexuality
Androgyny / gender

building self confidence, celebrity and personal growth, self esteem confidence, confidence building, building self esteem, building identity, search for your true self

She thinks, “that kind of anxiety in me, that obsession, was helpful. I use it in my acting. It’s something I don’t want to give up feeling, because it gives me an edge.” [Allure magazine, September 2009.]

But maybe it’s a matter of how we label our feelings. Many talented actors or singers like Seyfried may want to keep an “edge” to feel they are working at their best.

A positive “edge” may be high energy, plus excitement mixed with some fear – but not really anxiety.

In my post To create we need high energy – not anxiety, I note that there seems to be an enduring mythology about creative inspiration and performing – as an actor, for example – that it benefits from an “edge” of nervous tension or even anxiety.

For example, Nathan Fillion (who played a doctor in “Waitress”) performed in high school musicals to beat shyness.

“I remember being on stage, and that stage fright, that excitement — I get a real high off of that,” he says.

But creativity coach and writer Eric Maisel, PhD comments in our interview Ten Zen Seconds (about his book) that this really is a false and distorting idea: “It isn’t at all clear that tension or anxiety is what’s needed for peak performance and lifelong creativity.”

He says those feelings “may be unavoidable by-products of the difficulties that we face as we try to do large things and connected to our fear of failing, fear of making messes and mistakes, and so on, but they are not beneficial per se.

“You want enthusiasm, passion, love, curiosity, interest, and so on to inform your work and to exist right in the moment, in the performance moment or the creative moment, while at the same reducing (or eliminating) your fears, worries, anxieties, and so on.”

He adds, “Creating is not an energy-neutral state: it is a high energy state, with, at its healthiest, enthusiasm and not anxiety driving its engine.”

Amanda Seyfried (pronounced “sigh-frid”) also admits she suffers from anxiety attacks. “Like, the other day, I had an attack in the middle of a relaxing massage: My head was just spinning, and I felt nauseous! I was saying to myself, Just don’t make a scene! Finish this massage, or you’re going to be really annoyed with yourself.”

In his article  Anxiety and Panic Attacks Can Strike Anyone!, Bertil Hjert notes that millions of men and women struggle with anxiety or panic attack problems that affect their daily life. Some of the effects are small or simply inconveniences and some of the effects are more significant and life limiting.

“Anxiety is a real condition that can affect anyone.”

“You can’t be yourself because you’re always being judged.”

That is a line from “Ellie Parker” about an actress trying to get a start in Los Angeles, played by Naomi Watts, who also produced the film.

That sort of uncertainty of identity and insecurity affects many artists on the way to establishing themselves, but may be especially intense for actors who need to keep recreating who they are in auditions and roles.

Naomi Watts commented about the authenticity of the film in an interview article [Art Imitates Life for Watt's Ellie Parker, by Paul Fischer], noting that Scott Coffey, the film’s director was, like Watts herself, “a struggling actor for many years as well and he’d gone through years of those horrible auditions, losing your dignity and being told who you are and believing it because of your self-esteem levels.”

Acting is addictive

But, she admits, “You can’t give it up.” Watts says that what makes acting so addictive is “because you love what you do. It’s the creative thing that when you’re actually acting, between action and cut, THAT is fun, or even in the drama class or whatever forum you’re doing it in.

“It’s the other stuff that’s horrible — the exposing yourself,” referring to the often debilitating audition process that she embarked upon for almost a decade prior to her attention-grabbing role in Mulholland Drive.

“That’s what Ellie Parker is more about,” she adds, “not just about the acting experiences, auditions, managers, agents and stuff, but about a young woman who is putting too much emphasis on other people’s opinions of herself, and therefore wrapping up her own identity in these people who couldn’t possibly know who she was. So that struggle for integrity and identity is more of what we were trying to say.”

Ellie Parker

This is the movie they should show in college acting classes

Film critic Roger Ebert was enthusiastic about how real and meaningful the film is. In his review, he said: “This is the movie they should show in college acting classes, instead of tapes of ‘Inside the Actors’ Studio.’ It is about auditioning for an idiotic Southern Gothic soap opera and then changing your makeup and accent in the car on your way to audition as a hooker in a soft-core sex film.

“About trying to impress a group of ‘producers’ who are so stoned they don’t have a sober brain cell to pass from hand to hand around the room. About suspecting that the only thing worse than not getting the job would be to get it.

“About being broke. About depending on your friends, who are your friends because they depend on you. About lying to the folks back home. About going to clubs to be ‘seen’ and getting so wasted you hope no one saw you…

“And it is about having to be smart, talented, beautiful, determined and, yes, lucky, just to get to this point in your career.”

“You’re too intense”

In an article in Interview magazine (Dec/Jan 2004), she commented :

“Mulholland Drive (2001) was in the can at that point. I was pretty sure it was good and would make some noise, but I wasn’t trusting my instincts because I’d been through that before.

“So my agents were continuing to send me out for pilots. I had no money, no health insurance, and I was going on all these auditions for things I didn’t believe in but that I was desperate for because I needed the work.

“As a result, I was shaky and intense and nervous and laughing or smiling too much, and I was making people uncomfortable. It was awkward.

“So my then agent called me in and… said, ‘Honey, you’re a great actress and I believe in you, so I took it on myself to ask these people what’s going on because you should be working. They’re saying that you’re too intense, that you want it too much.’

“In retrospect, all those disappointments were the perfect thing because if I’d gotten one of those parts I’d auditioned for, I would probably still be on some TV series today. I wouldn’t have had the freedom to pursue the things I’ve been able to do over the past few years.”

Related pages:
Identity
Self-esteem / self concept
Highly Sensitive site

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building identity, acting self esteem, acting passion, integrity in art

Escape into comedy

Amanda Bynes began professionally acting at the age of seven, and at age thirteen became the star of her own tv series The Amanda Show.

Bynes says she understands the feeling of being an outsider, one of the themes of the film “Hairspray” – in which she plays Penny [photo].

“I grew up having terrible acne and feeling insecure,” she once told an interviewer. “I was tall and skinny. I didn’t feel pretty at all, and guys didn’t even like me. That’s why I got into comedy.”

[Interview mag., July 2007; photo from "Hairspray"]

Highly self-critical

Many talented comedians and comic actors acknowledge there is a dark side to being funny.

“Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don’t realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side.” Parker Posey [From the page: Comedy]

Many talented people – even highly gifted and accomplished, with Academy Awards etc – often have insecurities, impostor feelings and other anxieties, maybe in part because of high sensitivity.

Lesley Sword, director of Gifted and Creative Services [in Australia] finds that gifted children are “highly self critical and over reactive to the criticism of others. They express dissatisfaction with themselves; they see what ‘ought to be’ in themselves… They have a vision of perfectionism that they measure themselves against and they can become despondent sometimes even depressed, at their perceived failure.”

[From my post Anxious thinking about our abilities, and article Being Creative and Self-critical.]

Fortunately, there are many ways to deal with anxiety, including self-help programs: see
Anxiety Relief Products / Programs

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Amanda Bynes, imposter phenomenon, comedians and depression, anxiety relief products

James Mangold: “There are some actors who, when they feel insecure in a scene, will just turn up the volume or the energy to try to electrocute themselves. You’ve probably been in scenes when you find yourself in a place where you don’t believe yourself. What do you do?”

Liv Tyler: “I just stop and go stand in a dark corner and breathe as deeply as I can into my stomach. [laughs] I know this is going to sound crazy, because I’m not religious at all, but sometimes I pray. I just say, “Please help me. Guide me to feel what this person’s feeling, and help me to feel real, feel connected.”
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James Mangold: “I think the biggest struggle we all have sometimes – and I have to remind myself of it too – is to be what you are instead of what you want to be. I’m not talking about being an actor or a director or whatever, but rather about the pressure we put on ourselves to be the kind of movie director or kind of actor or rock singer that inspired us, because you’ll never quite be that person – you’re always you… The people who are really happy always seem to know exactly what they are.” [laughs]

Liv Tyler: “But nobody ever feels that way all the time. I’m always amazed when people.. right in front of you are completely open and vulnerable.. I love seeing that. All my favorite people have that; there’s something so human about them. Diane Keaton has that. It’s so amazing to watch her because she’s so sweet and real, and there’s a vulnerability to her, but she’s also this amazing tough cookie and such a professional.”
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James Mangold: “As a kid there was a lot of drama you had to witness and be part of… that may have enabled you to reach the other side that much sooner than most people.”

Liv Tyler: “It sounds so cheesy, but I feel like right now, for the first time in my life, I’m discovering who I am… And, yeah, I’m incredibly complicated and I’m filled with anxiety and all sorts of stuff, but it’s amazing because I’m able to hide it.

“For example, I have horrible stage fright, and people always say they can’t tell. I think for a lot of my life I’ve been able to process negative things in a positive way. I’ve been so blessed in my life in so many ways. I’ve had a lot of really traumatic or strange things happen to me, but I wake up every day and feel so grateful and lucky to be doing what I’m doing.”

[Interview mag., April 2007; photo by Max Vadukul]

Related Talent Development Resources pages:

Article: Breathing Out Stage Fright

Also see Self-esteem Products / Programs.

Also see Anxiety Relief Products / Programs.

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celebrity and personal growth, artistic confidence, anxiety products, self confidence products

Rainn Wilson radiates confidence

Rainn Wilson discovered acting in a high school drama class, then moved to New York to study in NYU’s Graduate Acting Program, notes a new Los Angeles Times article [Revenge of the nerd, By Fred Schruers, March 22, 2007], and “filled the next decade with theater work, including Shakespeare and off-Broadway, but he found that world even phonier than Hollywood.”

The article quotes Wilson: “It’s all under the auspices of, ‘We’re all artists trying to bring these great plays to life’ — that’s pure hypocrisy. Like with movies, it’s who you know, what makes sense for the box office and if you’ve got a name that will sell tickets or drum up some publicity.

“There were certain theaters that wouldn’t even let me audition after working that hard and that long there — roles that I was perfect for.”

The article adds that Kathryn Hahn, his costar in ‘The Last Mimzy,’ thinks “Rainn radiates confidence. I think the experience in New York fortified him in that way. You either say, ‘I’m not going to chase after this anymore,’ or you say, ‘Dammit. I’m better and smarter than the rest of them.’ And I think he chose ‘B,’ and I’m so glad he did — he’s an unbelievable addition to our pop culture vocabulary.”

[Photo: Hahn and Wilson in "The Last Mimzy."]

Larry Moss – it’s not enough to have talent

Larry Moss [acting coach to Helen Hunt, Hilary Swank, Michael Clarke Duncan, many others] says about some of the career-building aspects of getting seen and known – especially based on looks: “There’s a lot of fantasy about acting, that if you’re attractive and meet the right people, you can have a career. That’s true to an extent, but that can be a nightmare, because the person that gets it on looks alone, they end up a disaster…”

He also commented, “Stella Adler, a teacher I had in New York, said it’s not enough to have talent, you have to have a talent for your talent. I think that means going to classes, working on your voice and body, reading great plays, novels, history… you have to have an ability to understand people, and understand life.”

See more of his quotes on Acting page 4.

Also see his book The Intent to Live: Achieving Your True Potential as an Actor.

Getting ‘seen’

Not “working out” by actually performing on stage or on camera, or not even being allowed to audition [like Rainn Wilson mentions] must be a major hurdle for emerging actors.

But other artists also have the need to “be seen” and show their work. Not getting that can lead to deep self-criticism and self-doubt.

Creative & self-critical

As I note in my article Being Creative and Self-critical, criticism can be destructive and self-limiting, eroding our creative assurance and vitality. Many creative people, even when they have achieved recognition for their talents, may experience self-critical thoughts and insecurity.

Engaging in a creative venture often brings up questions and uncertainties related to personal identity: Am I qualified? Do I have enough experience, strength, talent, skill? Will the work be good enough? Will I be good enough? [More in my article Identity and Creating.]

All that may be especially true for actors.

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artistic confidence, acting careers, Rainn Wilson, Larry Moss

“I hate when people look at me! I hate having my picture taken. I don’t like being the center of attention. It makes me anxious. I think a lot of actors are like that… From when I was very little, I was so shy and I always had to go to new schools and I’d have no friends and I’d go to the staff rooms because the teachers were nice to me.

“When I discovered acting when I was 5 years old, it was a way to become someone else and not have to be self-conscious and not feel like I was making a fool of myself.”

Melanie Lynskey has played Charlie Sheen’s stalker, Rose, on “Two and a Half Men” since 2003; she made her debut in 1994 in Peter Jackson’s “Heavenly Creatures” with Kate Winslet; appeared in “Flags of Our Fathers” and “Shattered Glass,” and is shooting the upcoming road-race series, “Drive,” which will debut April 15. [Los Angeles Times Feb 11, 2007]

There are many other talented actors who are shy and uncomfortable with attention – see the related post Highly sensitive, and in the spotlight
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Melanie Lynskey, artistic confidence, acting self esteem, personal development for actors