“You can’t be yourself because you’re always being judged.”

That is a line from “Ellie Parker” about an actress trying to get a start in Los Angeles, played by Naomi Watts, who also produced the film.

That sort of uncertainty of identity and insecurity affects many artists on the way to establishing themselves, but may be especially intense for actors who need to keep recreating who they are in auditions and roles.

Naomi Watts commented about the authenticity of the film in an interview article [Art Imitates Life for Watt's Ellie Parker, by Paul Fischer], noting that Scott Coffey, the film’s director was, like Watts herself, “a struggling actor for many years as well and he’d gone through years of those horrible auditions, losing your dignity and being told who you are and believing it because of your self-esteem levels.”

Acting is addictive

But, she admits, “You can’t give it up.” Watts says that what makes acting so addictive is “because you love what you do. It’s the creative thing that when you’re actually acting, between action and cut, THAT is fun, or even in the drama class or whatever forum you’re doing it in.

“It’s the other stuff that’s horrible — the exposing yourself,” referring to the often debilitating audition process that she embarked upon for almost a decade prior to her attention-grabbing role in Mulholland Drive.

“That’s what Ellie Parker is more about,” she adds, “not just about the acting experiences, auditions, managers, agents and stuff, but about a young woman who is putting too much emphasis on other people’s opinions of herself, and therefore wrapping up her own identity in these people who couldn’t possibly know who she was. So that struggle for integrity and identity is more of what we were trying to say.”

Ellie Parker

This is the movie they should show in college acting classes

Film critic Roger Ebert was enthusiastic about how real and meaningful the film is. In his review, he said: “This is the movie they should show in college acting classes, instead of tapes of ‘Inside the Actors’ Studio.’ It is about auditioning for an idiotic Southern Gothic soap opera and then changing your makeup and accent in the car on your way to audition as a hooker in a soft-core sex film.

“About trying to impress a group of ‘producers’ who are so stoned they don’t have a sober brain cell to pass from hand to hand around the room. About suspecting that the only thing worse than not getting the job would be to get it.

“About being broke. About depending on your friends, who are your friends because they depend on you. About lying to the folks back home. About going to clubs to be ’seen’ and getting so wasted you hope no one saw you…

“And it is about having to be smart, talented, beautiful, determined and, yes, lucky, just to get to this point in your career.”

“You’re too intense”

In an article in Interview magazine (Dec/Jan 2004), she commented :

“Mulholland Drive (2001) was in the can at that point. I was pretty sure it was good and would make some noise, but I wasn’t trusting my instincts because I’d been through that before.

“So my agents were continuing to send me out for pilots. I had no money, no health insurance, and I was going on all these auditions for things I didn’t believe in but that I was desperate for because I needed the work.

“As a result, I was shaky and intense and nervous and laughing or smiling too much, and I was making people uncomfortable. It was awkward.

“So my then agent called me in and… said, ‘Honey, you’re a great actress and I believe in you, so I took it on myself to ask these people what’s going on because you should be working. They’re saying that you’re too intense, that you want it too much.’

“In retrospect, all those disappointments were the perfect thing because if I’d gotten one of those parts I’d auditioned for, I would probably still be on some TV series today. I wouldn’t have had the freedom to pursue the things I’ve been able to do over the past few years.”

Related pages:
Identity
Self-esteem / self concept
Highly Sensitive site

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building identity, acting self esteem, acting passion, integrity in art

Escape into comedy

Amanda Bynes began professionally acting at the age of seven, and at age thirteen became the star of her own tv series The Amanda Show.

Bynes says she understands the feeling of being an outsider, one of the themes of the film “Hairspray” – in which she plays Penny [photo].

“I grew up having terrible acne and feeling insecure,” she once told an interviewer. “I was tall and skinny. I didn’t feel pretty at all, and guys didn’t even like me. That’s why I got into comedy.”

[Interview mag., July 2007; photo from "Hairspray"]

Highly self-critical

Many talented comedians and comic actors acknowledge there is a dark side to being funny.

“Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don’t realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side.” Parker Posey [From the page: Comedy]

Many talented people – even highly gifted and accomplished, with Academy Awards etc – often have insecurities, impostor feelings and other anxieties, maybe in part because of high sensitivity.

Lesley Sword, director of Gifted and Creative Services [in Australia] finds that gifted children are “highly self critical and over reactive to the criticism of others. They express dissatisfaction with themselves; they see what ‘ought to be’ in themselves… They have a vision of perfectionism that they measure themselves against and they can become despondent sometimes even depressed, at their perceived failure.”

[From my post Anxious thinking about our abilities, and article Being Creative and Self-critical.]

Fortunately, there are many ways to deal with anxiety, including self-help programs: see
Anxiety Relief Products / Programs

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Amanda Bynes, imposter phenomenon, comedians and depression, anxiety relief products

James Mangold: “There are some actors who, when they feel insecure in a scene, will just turn up the volume or the energy to try to electrocute themselves. You’ve probably been in scenes when you find yourself in a place where you don’t believe yourself. What do you do?”

Liv Tyler: “I just stop and go stand in a dark corner and breathe as deeply as I can into my stomach. [laughs] I know this is going to sound crazy, because I’m not religious at all, but sometimes I pray. I just say, “Please help me. Guide me to feel what this person’s feeling, and help me to feel real, feel connected.”
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James Mangold: “I think the biggest struggle we all have sometimes – and I have to remind myself of it too – is to be what you are instead of what you want to be. I’m not talking about being an actor or a director or whatever, but rather about the pressure we put on ourselves to be the kind of movie director or kind of actor or rock singer that inspired us, because you’ll never quite be that person – you’re always you… The people who are really happy always seem to know exactly what they are.” [laughs]

Liv Tyler: “But nobody ever feels that way all the time. I’m always amazed when people.. right in front of you are completely open and vulnerable.. I love seeing that. All my favorite people have that; there’s something so human about them. Diane Keaton has that. It’s so amazing to watch her because she’s so sweet and real, and there’s a vulnerability to her, but she’s also this amazing tough cookie and such a professional.”
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James Mangold: “As a kid there was a lot of drama you had to witness and be part of… that may have enabled you to reach the other side that much sooner than most people.”

Liv Tyler: “It sounds so cheesy, but I feel like right now, for the first time in my life, I’m discovering who I am… And, yeah, I’m incredibly complicated and I’m filled with anxiety and all sorts of stuff, but it’s amazing because I’m able to hide it.

“For example, I have horrible stage fright, and people always say they can’t tell. I think for a lot of my life I’ve been able to process negative things in a positive way. I’ve been so blessed in my life in so many ways. I’ve had a lot of really traumatic or strange things happen to me, but I wake up every day and feel so grateful and lucky to be doing what I’m doing.”

[Interview mag., April 2007; photo by Max Vadukul]

Related Talent Development Resources pages:

Article: Breathing Out Stage Fright

Also see Self-esteem Products / Programs.

Also see Anxiety Relief Products / Programs.

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celebrity and personal growth, artistic confidence, anxiety products, self confidence products

Rainn Wilson radiates confidence

Rainn Wilson discovered acting in a high school drama class, then moved to New York to study in NYU’s Graduate Acting Program, notes a new Los Angeles Times article [Revenge of the nerd, By Fred Schruers, March 22, 2007], and “filled the next decade with theater work, including Shakespeare and off-Broadway, but he found that world even phonier than Hollywood.”

The article quotes Wilson: “It’s all under the auspices of, ‘We’re all artists trying to bring these great plays to life’ — that’s pure hypocrisy. Like with movies, it’s who you know, what makes sense for the box office and if you’ve got a name that will sell tickets or drum up some publicity.

“There were certain theaters that wouldn’t even let me audition after working that hard and that long there — roles that I was perfect for.”

The article adds that Kathryn Hahn, his costar in ‘The Last Mimzy,’ thinks “Rainn radiates confidence. I think the experience in New York fortified him in that way. You either say, ‘I’m not going to chase after this anymore,’ or you say, ‘Dammit. I’m better and smarter than the rest of them.’ And I think he chose ‘B,’ and I’m so glad he did — he’s an unbelievable addition to our pop culture vocabulary.”

[Photo: Hahn and Wilson in "The Last Mimzy."]

Larry Moss – it’s not enough to have talent

Larry Moss [acting coach to Helen Hunt, Hilary Swank, Michael Clarke Duncan, many others] says about some of the career-building aspects of getting seen and known – especially based on looks: “There’s a lot of fantasy about acting, that if you’re attractive and meet the right people, you can have a career. That’s true to an extent, but that can be a nightmare, because the person that gets it on looks alone, they end up a disaster…”

He also commented, “Stella Adler, a teacher I had in New York, said it’s not enough to have talent, you have to have a talent for your talent. I think that means going to classes, working on your voice and body, reading great plays, novels, history… you have to have an ability to understand people, and understand life.”

See more of his quotes on Acting page 4.

Also see his book The Intent to Live: Achieving Your True Potential as an Actor.

Getting ’seen’

Not “working out” by actually performing on stage or on camera, or not even being allowed to audition [like Rainn Wilson mentions] must be a major hurdle for emerging actors.

But other artists also have the need to “be seen” and show their work. Not getting that can lead to deep self-criticism and self-doubt.

Creative & self-critical

As I note in my article Being Creative and Self-critical, criticism can be destructive and self-limiting, eroding our creative assurance and vitality. Many creative people, even when they have achieved recognition for their talents, may experience self-critical thoughts and insecurity.

Engaging in a creative venture often brings up questions and uncertainties related to personal identity: Am I qualified? Do I have enough experience, strength, talent, skill? Will the work be good enough? Will I be good enough? [More in my article Identity and Creating.]

All that may be especially true for actors.

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artistic confidence, acting careers, Rainn Wilson, Larry Moss

“I hate when people look at me! I hate having my picture taken. I don’t like being the center of attention. It makes me anxious. I think a lot of actors are like that… From when I was very little, I was so shy and I always had to go to new schools and I’d have no friends and I’d go to the staff rooms because the teachers were nice to me.

“When I discovered acting when I was 5 years old, it was a way to become someone else and not have to be self-conscious and not feel like I was making a fool of myself.”

Melanie Lynskey has played Charlie Sheen’s stalker, Rose, on “Two and a Half Men” since 2003; she made her debut in 1994 in Peter Jackson’s “Heavenly Creatures” with Kate Winslet; appeared in “Flags of Our Fathers” and “Shattered Glass,” and is shooting the upcoming road-race series, “Drive,” which will debut April 15. [Los Angeles Times Feb 11, 2007]

There are many other talented actors who are shy and uncomfortable with attention – see the related post Highly sensitive, and in the spotlight
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Melanie Lynskey, artistic confidence, acting self esteem, personal development for actors

Jackie Earle Haley just achieved an Oscar nom for Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in Todd Field’s “Little Children.” His reaction was enthusiastic: “Jubilation. Pure unbelievable joy. This is a day of all days.”

Fellow “Children” nominee Kate Winslet recalled his audition for the director: “We read together; he gave the most breathtaking audition I’ve ever seen in my life. And Todd gave him the job on the spot.” [Hollywood Reporter Jan 23, 2007]

“I started acting when I was 5 years old,” Haley has noted.

“And I was pretty well known for a while. Your self-esteem and your identity start to become wrapped up in that celebrity, and when that starts to fade away, your self-esteem and your identity start to fade away with it.

“Those roles that I played and the success that I had, that is not who I am. It’s part of who I am, but it’s not everything. So when it drifts away and you start to feel increasingly insecure, it’s kind of a long battle out of that.”

“That transition from child to adult actor is so incredibly elusive,” he adds.

“The roles that were coming to me as a young adult were not that great, but I was taking them anyway to pay the rent. And the more bad roles in bad movies I took, the less anybody wanted me for a good role in a good movie.”

[photo: Phyllis Somerville and Jackie Earle Haley in "Little Children."]

Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet said of her acclaim for the film, “I literally feel like I’ve never been nominated for anything before in my life. You don’t understand, I am a girl from a small town in England who was told that she might have a career in acting if she was happy to settle for playing fat parts.” [Entertainment Weekly Feb 2, 2007]

That kind of experience early in life can endure as self-critical thoughts and insecurity, especially for sensitive people.

As I mention in my article Being Creative and Self-critical, Winslet has admitted that before a movie shoot, she still sometimes thinks, “I’m a fraud, and they’re going to fire me… I’m fat; I’m ugly.”

Highly creative and talented people are, according to research on giftedness, often susceptible to perfectionism and unreasonably high standards and expectations that can lead to exaggerated criticism.

For more quotes by actors and others on these topics, see the pages self-esteem / self concept, identity, body image and intensity / sensitivity – and the Highly Sensitive blog.

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More Self-esteem Products / Programs

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acting and image, building confidence for actors, self confidence products, self-esteem products

Helen Mirren [imdb.com, unknown date]

But being “bad” [at least in a good way, not self- or socially-destructive] can require courage to explore your shadow side.

Arianna Huffington has commented about how challenging that may be for women: “Fear is universal; we all have fear. There are two areas where women have more fear: one is our looks and our bodies, and we invest an enormous amount of time there. And I think there is an obsession now, which you see in the extent of plastic surgery… And the other area is speaking out. Women are still terrified of speaking out.”

But – perhaps especially for actors – those kinds of fears can impact men as well.

Arianna Huffington is author of the new book: On Becoming Fearless

[Photo of Helen Mirren from "The Queen"]

Related pages:
the shadow self
eccentricity
courage / confidence
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Helen Mirren, Arianna Huffington book, celebrity rebels, self confidence book

Evan Rachel Wood [“Running with Scissors”] recalls getting beat up in elementary school for being an actor. “I think it was because my SAG card fell out of my bag, and [the kids] asked what it was and I explained to them, and no more than ten minutes later I was getting spit on and slammed on the ground. By a boy!

“In junior high, the teachers were worse than the kids. They had it in their minds that if you’re an actor you’re spoiled and stuck up and you always get your way, so they wanted to give me the hardest time they possibly could. They knew that you have to keep up a certain grade point average to get your work permit. They would say in front of the class, ‘You know, you can’t be an actor if I give you a bad grade.’ So my mom pulled me out, and I did home school.” [Premiere Magazine premiere.com October 2006]

Alexa Vega

Alexa Vega also says she was bullied “a little in my freshman year for being an actress and starring in ‘Spy Kids.’ Someone even poured soda on me! My sister went through worse. She’d come home crying every day from girls tormenting her to her face or over instant messenger. She was quiet about it at first, but she finally opened up to my family for help.

“My advice is to talk to somebody about it, and figure out a way together to deal with the issue. Don’t hide and say it will go away. It usually won’t. You have to confront the situation.” [Lifetime TV interview]

Delta Burke

Delta Burke wrote in her memoir, “Because I was so shy, I was easy to bully and wasn’t a good fighter. And sometimes that would come back to slap me in the face.”

One of the more common “excuses” for bullying is that some insecure kids [and adults] resent anyone who is exceptional, such as being creatively gifted and talented.

Although often destructive to confidence and self esteem, the experience can have some positive results for some people.

Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel says she was “teased relentlessly because I was chubby… But I’m actually oddly thankful for a lot of these things, because when I was really teased and tortured and all these things, it made me really ambitious. It made me work hard. Friends weren’t something that I could rely on, but my love for performing was always a constant.”

Related page: bullying
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Evan Rachel Wood, actors and bullying, acting and pain, personal development for actors

Kudrow has commented, “She’s not based on any one person in particular, it’s more about people who have their goals and their sights on the wrong thing. This is about a woman who has a husband and a nice home and is financially set. She doesn’t really need anything, except what she thinks her endlessly needy ego wants is to be in the spotlight.

“And it’s just like anybody we all know, who hasn’t done work on themselves and needs permission from the outside to like themselves. So it’s that person who is still looking for the rest of the world to tell them they’re OK. And as Michael [Michael Patrick King, the show co-creator with Kudrow] puts it, the best minefield for that person is to make her an actress around forty on television. That’s where you get the most torture, I think.”

> From interview on HBO site for the [canceled] show The Comeback (DVD)

> related posts :
The Dark Side of Fame
Acceptance – rejection
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Lisa Kudrow, entertainment psychology, actors need for approval, celebrity and personal growth

Claire Danes on wanting acceptance

Claire Danes admits that when she was growing up, she “wanted desperately to please, to be a good girl. I wanted acceptance. I still do.”

Like many artists, she sought acceptance in renown: “A part of me desired fame because I associated it with love. That was a total mistake. Fame doesn’t end loneliness… I chose a public role, and it’s illusory to think that fame immunizes you from rejection. Famous or not, you can still feel invalid and unloved.”

Acting, she has found, has other payoffs. “We’re all on an emotional journey with each other. And the point of acting is to share, to connect. That’s why I act. Acting is the greatest answer to my loneliness that I have found.” [Parade mag. Oct 2, 2005; photo from Shopgirl 2005]

Linda Dessau on criticism

In her article 10 Tools for Dealing with Criticism and Rejection, writer and coach Linda Dessau notes, “Whether it’s feedback we’ve asked for, an unsolicited remark called out from the audience or a simple ‘no’ result of an audition or submission process, criticism and rejection are a huge part of our lives as creative artists. Sometimes we’re so fearful of being criticized or rejected that we keep our creativity bottled up and don’t let it out.”

Discouraged from trying

But discouragement may come from other people in entertainment who really should be more supportive.

In her recent Talk Back column, “Only Serious Actors Need Apply” [BackStage Jul 27-Aug 2, 2006], actor, writer, comedian and filmmaker Maria Menozzi [mariamenozzi.com] noted that casting directors, teachers and even fellow actors are often negative about pursuing the dream to be an actor.

“This is the only business I know of in which people are outright discouraged from trying or continuing,” she wrote. “I have spent thousands of dollars on classes, coaching, workshops, pictures…

“I’ve been rejected, rejected, refused, and ignored – and did I mention rejected? But I have persisted, practiced, and persevered… I am an actor, and I plan on stickin’ it out for quite some time.”

Being aware of negative messages – from both others and ourselves – plus being careful to keep encouraging a healthy self concept are among the ways to stay resilient, so all that rejection does not have to be crippling or corrosive.

Also see Self-esteem Products / Programs.
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Claire Danes, actors need for approval, artistic confidence, self-esteem products