Acceptance - rejection
Claire Danes admits that when she was growing up, she “wanted desperately to please, to be a good girl. I wanted acceptance. I still do.”
Like many artists, she sought acceptance in renown: “A part of me desired fame because I associated it with love. That was a total mistake. Fame doesn’t end loneliness… I chose a public role, and it’s illusory to think that fame immunizes you from rejection. Famous or not, you can still feel invalid and unloved.”
Acting, she has found, has other payoffs. “We’re all on an emotional journey with each other. And the point of acting is to share, to connect. That’s why I act. Acting is the greatest answer to my loneliness that I have found.” [Parade mag. Oct 2, 2005; photo from Shopgirl 2005]
In her article 10 Tools for Dealing with Criticism and Rejection, writer and coach Linda Dessau notes, “Whether it’s feedback we’ve asked for, an unsolicited remark called out from the audience or a simple ‘no’ result of an audition or submission process, criticism and rejection are a huge part of our lives as creative artists. Sometimes we’re so fearful of being criticized or rejected that we keep our creativity bottled up and don’t let it out.”
But discouragement may come from people in entertainment who really should be more supportive.
In her recent Talk Back column, “Only Serious Actors Need Apply” [BackStage Jul 27-Aug 2, 2006], actor, writer, comedian and filmmaker Maria Menozzi [mariamenozzi.com] noted that casting directors, teachers and even fellow actors are often negative about pursuing the dream to be an actor.
“This is the only business I know of in which people are outright discouraged from trying or continuing,” she wrote. “I have spent thousands of dollars on classes, coaching, workshops, pictures… I’ve been rejected, rejected, refused, and ignored - and did I mention rejected? But I have persisted, practiced, and persevered… I am an actor, and I plan on stickin’ it out for quite some time.”
Being aware of negative messages - from both others and ourselves - plus being careful to keep encouraging a healthy self concept are among the ways to stay resilient, so all that rejection does not have to be crippling or corrosive.
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